From: owner-sycophant-digest@smoe.org (sycophant-digest) To: sycophant-digest@smoe.org Subject: sycophant-digest V5 #44 Reply-To: sycophant@smoe.org Sender: owner-sycophant-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-sycophant-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk sycophant-digest Saturday, March 25 2000 Volume 05 : Number 044 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: sycophant Depression ["Christian Boyon" ] Re: sycophant Depression [kleinemans ] sycophant ...a psychopath [Robey Pointer ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 10:42:12 GMT From: "Christian Boyon" Subject: Re: sycophant Depression More than ten years ago, I was a really depressive kind of guy : I was so shy I felt myself transparent. Not ugly, no, maybe worse : inexistent in the eyes of other ; they looking through instead of at me. I know now, and I knew a bit at this moment, that was only an idea. I was no ghost, not even a vampire, even if I was astonished to see me in a mirror. This false idea was stronger than my reason and the reality ‘cause nobody, I must say no girls, gave me an actual fact to feel, more than to think, the other way. To feel transparent is to become transparent. And for me, other people, especially girls, were more than visible, more than being there. I fell in love so easily, it was a kind of pathology. And I took those girls, one at the time (an exclusive love) in my head and in my bed. Only their image, the sound of their voice, maybe the smell of their parfum, if I had the chance to sit near one of them in the class room. But then I opened my eyes... I was so alone in my bed. And I cried until I was so tired I fell asleep. I slept two or three hours a night at this time. Music healed me in a way (I took some lithium everyday too) and I listened to two bands alternatively, two bands absolutely on the opposite side of each other (God, my grammar) : Fishbone, on one side (I remember stage-diving in my bed –yes, I lived almost exclusively in my bedroom) and the British band (I’m sorry, this band is almost unknown) Felt. The music of the last one looks a bit like that of Television, but more melodic (they are British) or of an almost unbearable melancholy. With titles like « All the people I like are those that are dead », you understand what I mean. And curiously their music help me a lot and I often said to myself « I’m not so desperate, I’m not so lonely and you, Lawrence (the leader’s name), you’re not so lonely either ‘cause I am there and I listen to you ». I felt like he was a sad little brother and I felt strong enough to sooth him. A movie in my head. With Lisa Germano, my feeling is very different. I don’t identificate with her. On the other way she helps me to understand better the way women are in front of men. Women are so mysterious to me. And when I listen to Lisa, I still love them more. The word ‘understand’ is not good enough. Anyway what is almost a need for me is to be moved and when I feel that my everyday life is a bit too empty of human warmth, I put some Lisa’s songs. Now I’m not so depressed anymore, and sometimes I think I produced so many tears at that time, I’m kind of dry somewhere inside. I feel cold instead, all the sadness is frozen in there behind my eyes. And when you feel yourself ice cold, you’re indifferent to things, but it’s as if my body knows that’s no good for my health to be emotionally dead like that, so I listen to Lisa to warm me up sometimes. It doesn’t make me cry, no, I’m moved and I want to move too and to give warmth to others. I’m a bit unclear, I suppose, but that’s the way when you are speaking too personally. That was my contribution to the subject ‘Depression’. Christian ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com - ------- The Ectophile's Guide to Good Music: http://www.smoe.org/ectoguide/ - ------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with the message: unsubscribe sycophant If you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of computers, they would all get AOL accounts and send unsub messages to the list address. AOL users please read the instructions six lines up before unsubbing. ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 20:20:49 +0100 From: kleinemans Subject: Re: sycophant Depression hey chris it's amazing that you actually can write those things down so clearly. have you ever heard beautiful freak by eels? it's a bit of an anthem for sad­ teens. and be sure to check out bodies when you get hold of mellon collie. pretty amazing. kleinemans - ------- The Ectophile's Guide to Good Music: http://www.smoe.org/ectoguide/ - ------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with the message: unsubscribe sycophant If you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of computers, they would all get AOL accounts and send unsub messages to the list address. AOL users please read the instructions six lines up before unsubbing. ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 11:26:14 -0800 (PST) From: Robey Pointer Subject: sycophant ...a psychopath Thought this would be a nice change from the constant talking about the failed tributes -- and a new thread on depression. :( Does anyone know the story here? robey - ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Hey man... I figure you're the resident Lisa Germano expert, so here goes. I just got _Geek the Girl_ and of course, I found "...a psychopath" intensely disturbing. However, I can't help but think that I've heard that 911 call before. Maybe 8-10 years ago, I remember watching some news program, maybe "48 Hours," and part of it was about a rapist rehabilitation program. I remember where they assembled several convicted rapists in a room and played them a 911 call, in which a woman says that someone's trying to break into her house, etc. They informed us that the 911 call was actually *fake* and recorded simply for that rehabilitation program, but of course they didn't tell that to the rapists (some of whom broke down into tears). What's the scoop? I would like to think that "...a psychopath" does indeed use that fake 911 call, because using a real call is just waaaay too disturbing...ya know? - ------- The Ectophile's Guide to Good Music: http://www.smoe.org/ectoguide/ - ------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with the message: unsubscribe sycophant If you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of computers, they would all get AOL accounts and send unsub messages to the list address. AOL users please read the instructions six lines up before unsubbing. ------------------------------ End of sycophant-digest V5 #44 ****************************** ======================================================================== Please send any questions or comments about the list to sycophant-owner@smoe.org