Top Ten Predictions For 2008
   
  10. Bush will leave the office in disgrace.
  09. A 20-something guy will turn down sex with Britney Spears.
  08. Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Nichole Ritchie, Ricky Martin and Elton John will all break a nail.
  07. Female Roller Derby will make a big return to television.
  06. A rock band that doesn’t sound like Nickelback or Maroon 5 will have a hit record.
  05. Somebody will beat the living shit out of Kid Rock.
  04. The 2 remaining ‘Major’ Label’s will be given away on a new reality tv show called, “The Great American Music Garage Sale”.
  03. Someone will beat the living shit out of Simon Cowell. He will cry like a baby and leave television for good. He would also leave music, but he’s never really been associated with any.
  02. The Grammy committee will admit they don’t have a clue as to what is good music.
  …and the number one prediction for 2008…
  01.   The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame will become a Hooters.
   
   
  Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions For 2008
   
  10. I’ll quit smoking when you shut the fuck up about it.
  09. I will light a cigarette in a cab 50 feet from my destination and will refuse to put it out. I will be told to get out of the cab. I will have a free ride.
  08. I will not drive and drink. I will drink and take cabs. I will light a cigarette 50 feet from my destination…
  07. I will laugh my ass off when an iPodder gets hit by a cab/car/train/pedestrian, because he didn’t hear it/them/me coming.
  06. I will continue to open my car door in front of oncoming bicycle people and then explain why 2 ton cars should have the right of way and not 120 lb. college students on 2 wheels…when they come to…in the hospital.
  05. I will do my part in destroying ‘political correctness, starting with making fun of people that say, “think of the children”. Why? The little rug-rats are going to out-live us by decades…let ‘em wait to get their way like we did.
  04. I will continue to refuse to recycle. Our tax dollars pay for people to do that. Why should we?
  03. I won’t go to a live concert unless there’s free beer , a ride home, and an I.Q test to get a ticket.
  02. I will not listen to a radio station that spends 15 to 20 minutes an hour on commercials and then play a song you heard less than 4 hours ago.
  …and the number 1 New Year’s Resolution for 2008…
  01.   I will ignore everything I hear from rockstars, ingénues, celebrities, and the government.
   
  Happy New Year!
   
  bob