My personal favorite:  someone trying to hand me a song request on a 
napkin while I'm playing a guitar solo.  However, my gigs are usually 
rather sparsely attended, so it's not a huge problem.  These days the 
most popular request is "can you turn it down a little?"

Second personal favorite:  the ability to deny you know a song. "Mustang 
Sally?....hmmmm...sorry, don't know that one..."

Marty


*Bill Holmes* wrote:

>I think the musicians on the list might appreciate this one...forwarded by
>fellow musician and long-ago roommate, Bruce Tetley (check him out on CD
>BABY):
>
>
>
>*/MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS/*
>
>/When requesting a song from the band, just say "play my song", or "it
>goes something like this" then hum a few bars! We have a chip implanted
>in our heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every
>patron who ever walked into a bar & all songs ever recorded, so feel
>free to be vague, we love the challenge.
>
>If we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding.
>Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum louder if need
>be ... it helps jog the memory.
>
>If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they
>either forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on.
>Try singing a few words for the band. Any words.
>
>If one member halfway knows part of a chorus, the rest of the band will
>instantly learn the entire song by osmosis. Knowing this, if the band
>still claims to not know your song, it helps to just keep requesting the
>same song every time there is a break.
>
>It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times
>per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!"
>Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor
>are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down, or your middle finger.
>Put-downs are the best way to jog a band's memory. This instantly
>promotes you to the status of "Personal Friend Of The Band."
>
>Entertainers are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare
>for their shows.
>They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do
>once they arrive.
>An entertainer's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so don't let
>them off the hook easily.
>Your request is all that matters.
>
>If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next band
>that follows will automatically know every metal tune the previous band
>ever played, even if the current band is a blues, or country band. It's
>the law. Feel free to yell AC DC or SLAYER!! to a band that plays
>strictly originals or jazz for example. Conversely, Deadheads may yell
>for Grateful Dead tunes at a dance or metal band.
>/
>*/IMPORTANT/*
>
>/When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head
>in both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head
>securely so they cannot pull away.
>This will be taken as an invitation to a friendly & playful game of tug
>of war between their head and your hands.
>
>Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or guitar player submits.
>Drummers are often safe from this fun game since they usually sit in the
>back, protected by the guitar players.
>Keyboard players are protected by their instrument, & only play the game
>when tricked into coming out from behind their keyboards. Though
>difficult to get them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying. They're
>especially vulnerable during the break between songs.
>/
>*/TALKING WITH THE BAND/*
>
>/The best time to discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way
>is at the middle of a song when all members are singing at the same time
>(such as a multi harmony part).
>Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from the
>megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. Musicians are expert lip
>readers too. If a musician does not reply to your question or comment
>during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in
>order to read your lips.
>
>Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to over emphasize the
>words with your lips. This helps immensely.
>Don't be fooled.
>
>Singers have the innate ability to answer questions & sing at the same
>time. If the singer doesn't answer your questions immediately,
>regardless of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are
>purposely ignoring you.
>If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.
>/
>*/HELPING THE BAND/*
>
>/If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will appreciate
>your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain
>standing on stage. Just pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply feel
>free to walk up on stage & join in. By the way, the drunker you are, the
>better you sound, & the louder you should sing.
>
>If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl back up & attempt
>to sing harmony. Keep in mind that nothing assists the band more than
>outrageous dancing, third & fourth part harmonies, or a tambourine
>played out of tempo.
>Try the cow bell, they love the challenge. The band always needs the
>help & will take this as a compliment.
>/
>*/VERY IMPORTANT/*
>
>/Remember to allow enough time to make it from the stage to the bathroom
>in case of an emergency. On stage accidents are bad form. The band will
>carry on.
>/
>*/BONUS TIP/*
>
>/As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on
>stage and start playing their instruments. They love this. Even if you
>are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you
>have successfully completed your audition. The band will call you
>immediately the following day to offer you a position.
>
>
>See you at the next gig .../
>*/The Band/*
>
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