The Onion: Why should anyone buy your record?

David Fagin (vocals/guitars): Good question. Because, in keeping with our philanthropic ways, we're donating 100 percent of the proceeds to the "Help Yanni Get A Clue" foundation.

O: Do you think your record will help people?

DF: It'll help Yanni.

O: Do you think your record could save lives?

DF: Not sure about the record, but Snapple saved our lives once. We were rehearsing at this shitty space downtown, and the bass amp blew a tube and caught on fire. Joshua [Aaron, bass] threw his Snapple Iced Tea on it and put it out. True story.

O: Is this record your ticket to heaven?

DF: No, they were sold out. But apparently I'm on the list.

Answers submitted via e-mail. The Rosenbergs' newest album is titled Department Store Girl.