At Date: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 13:38:35 Holly wrote:

>I want to thank Wendy and others who have offered some insight into the 
>world of chronic >depression and suicide.  I lost several people who very 
>close to me, who each committed suicide.  >Each time, I had to realize that 
>I cannot judge their decision.  They were in a mental state that >sometimes 
>leads to irrational thoughts and actions.  People experiencing an episode 
>of deep >depression cannot understand how irrational they are.  They are 
>not in control of the mindset, and do >not make a conscious decision to 
>prove something, or hurt someone, or even "coward" down to >their "demons". 
>They just want their pain to end.

You don't know this anymore than I knew what my best-friend's fiance was 
thinking when she took a shotgun and blew her own head off. Though, the 
suicide note to him said: "This is your fault". So we have a good idea that 
her thoughts may have been quite rational....but not based in fact.

I *do* judge people like this because, unlike a living tormentor who can be 
avoided or kept at arms length or ignored, those that commit suicide get to 
continue their emotional harassment from beyond the grave.

Elliott Smith brought many, many people into his personal circle...both as a 
human being and as a musician. Trust, love, admiration ensued. Then he chose 
when that emotional relationship would end. The term loser was applied, by 
me, to him because he not only didn't care about his own well being, but he 
didn't care about those that were left behind. Two concepts he had to 
reconcile or deny in order to take his own life.

That makes him culpible for his actions. Not a helpless victim.

I feel sorry for the fans that were sucked into believing in this guy. And 
if you make him the martyr then he still maintains the control he had over 
you in life.

The suffering is certainly over for him, but the anguish will live forever 
in those left behind to clean up his mess (mentally and physically).

I remain, unsympathetic.

VERMIN, THE HEARTLESS F*CKIN' ASSHOLE

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