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| From | carl.peel@bmg.com |
| Subject | Great Post Pat + a Top 5! |
| Date | Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:51:41 -0500 |
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Great post Pat! And yes, that is completely understood, and as us musicians
get older, we're subject to those same pressures. In my post, I hope didn't
come off whiny, like I think some responders took it, because I wasn't
saying it was anyone's fault but mine (I mean, it's my own personality that
keeps me too shy to do the real social work of playing music, and I could
work much harder at all of it, always could have and now must realize I
should have). What I was sharing is that moment when I realized the
"readjustment" had to be made by me, to keep me happy, because continuing as
I was, was not giving me joy. (I know this flies in the face of the standard
hype about how great things are that musicians try to put across in order to
convince potential fans that things are "happening" in their world). But
it's really a painful, scary moment when you realize you're not connecting
with people as you hoped (I refuse to pretend it's not, like some of the
tougher skinned people responding -- if you're that unaffected by
everything, what is it you write about in your own songs? I also resent the
idea that I was in it for money and big fame that I inferred from some posts
- I thought I made it clear that money never entered into it, it's always
been a money losing venture, and yet I continued (and still do) to do it.
But for many reasons that only I have real control over, I have not been
connecting like I'd hoped, dreamed and built my own self-image around
(however delusional that may have been). I was sharing a raw moment when I
wasn't even connecting with one person. Everyone can pretend that doesn't
affect them, but then I say, you must be dead inside already. Maybe your own
expectations of yourself were crushed at a much younger age that made it
easier to slough off as no big deal. I unfortunately, didn't come to this,
like most everything in my life, until later than most people. I'm bright,
but I'm slow sometimes.
But really, the last couple years, I just played solo shows. I think I
simply miss being in a room with other musicians, turning up and letting
fly. It's an aesthetic thing, the feel of a guitar or bass around my neck, a
mic stand in front of me, something to convey, and just bathing in the
sound. That had been my greatest joy for years and years. I think that's
what I need to get back to.
So I am going out of the country for three weeks and when I come back, I may
put a combo together. So anyone interested and available can check out the
three songs I have on MP3.com and see if we have a sensibility that meshes
or better yet, CLASHES to form something more interesting than I would not
have come up with on my own.
The link is: http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/444/carl_peel.html
And because it didn't go through, here's my Top Five list so far this year
(offered as proof that I am not despondent and do still enjoy music and have
records to be jealous of):
Grandaddy: Sumday
Fountains of Wayne: Welcome Interstate Managers
The Postal Service: Give Up
Longwave: The Strangest Things
The Eels: Shootenanny!
Also the new Dandy Warhol's single makes me happy, happy, happy. That band
knows how to let a song breathe and groove.
I'm bummed I'll miss IPO since I'm I'll be out of the country, but I hope
everyone has a great time.
Carl
ps. Thank you Adam, Wendie, Kerry, Rick, Jen, David et. al. for your
kindnesses.
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