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From "Durben, Steven" <Steven.Durben@cignabehavioral.com>
Subject Re: Nelly, Whoa Nelly, please.....
Date Wed, 26 Feb 2003 10:21:11 -0600

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Mike said,
On the other hand -- did the Rhode Island incident require an absolute 
prohibition on: a) pyrotechnics at shows and/or b) fire metaphors in songs? 
If I were DJing, should I stay away from XTC's "Great Fire" and "Burning 
with Optimism's Flames"? (snip)

Hi Mike,  
   I didn't see Nelly (nor do I ever watch the Grammies).  However, I can
see how one might find the use of pyrotechnics offensive given the recent
loss of life.  It is the same act or at least a similar act, that caused the
fire.  Thus, it's very act is in close relationship to the fire itself which
caused the loss of life.  I could see how some, especially family members of
the victims, might find this show in very poor taste and lacking in
compassion.  It may not have offended you but isn't the question of if it
might be understandably offensive to some for whom this wound is still so
fresh?  Where as your examples of song lyrics regarding fire might cause
emotional stirs in some, there is no other true connection and thus no "ban"
is warranted.  


You went on.....After 9/11, I disagreed with the NFL's decision to cancel
games six days 
after the attacks. I thought that the diversion would be helpful, after 5 
days of constant coverage. Obviously, that was a minority view. (snip)

Well, I respectfully disagree with you here too.  I  again can see how those
who are directly impacted by this event might feel our need for a diversion
to be difficult.  Clearly, a football game could have offered the direct
victims of 9-11 nothing so soon after this tragedy.  I would imagine for
many of them it might feel like "how can they act life is back to normal and
disregard what has happened to us".  I won't belabor this per I'm sure
you've heard these arguments.

Mike said...
Nelly's performance, viewed on tape 20 years from now, would not be 
considered offensive (perhaps boring...). It was only in this extremely 
limited context.

The question is, what is the statute of limitations for performers to 
refrain from pyrotechnics and make references to fire? (snip)

But isn't death and loss all about context?   As a boy, was I right to be
upset that my cartoons were not on when JFK's funeral was on every channel?
There is not "statue of limitations", there is only respectful amount of
time to allow for some healing. It is all shades of grey.  It seems to me,
it is all about context, proximity of the event and the degree of the
tragedy.  For me, these are important moments that bond us as people and
there is a need for at least some sensitivity and understanding. 
    I work with companies all the time related to what to do after an
employee's sudden death due to an accident or whatever.  I'm often reminding
them to think about the little things...for example....don't clear the
deceased employee's desk off right away (believe me, it happens) per the
added pain and anger such an act would have for some of his coworkers.  Does
it mean they never clear off this person's desk. Of course not.  Is their a
absolute right time to clear off the desk. No, but with time and a little
healing people get closer and usually after a few days they are ready and
able to separate out such acts from the pain of the loss they are
experiencing.  
Anyway, all this said, I hope I'm not sounding like I'm moralizing but just
wanted to share my thoughts and well, you asked.... 
Not aiming for controversy    : )

Steve 








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