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ivan@stellysee.de
| From | john.borack@twcable.com |
| Subject | I Have Been to the Depths of Hell (a little long) |
| Date | Fri, 14 Feb 2003 17:49:12 EST |
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So, I'm on this Summer Concert advisory committee for a local city here in CA
that wants to "bring music to the people" by providing six free outdoor
concerts in July and August. It's our committee's job to choose which bands
perform...a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll, blah blah blah..
Anway, a few weeks back, we went to something called a Summer Concert Share
Fair, where many of those hopeful of getting a paid gig playing covers and
whatnot were there to hawk their wares. Sort of a bad music flea market,
with lots of pesky fleas.
Many of the assembled had CD players available and urged us to listen to
their music...they also rushed up to us and offered hasty, perfunctory
hellos, acting overly friendly and borderline obnoxious (think pushy car
salesmen and you're on the right track).
The few things I listened to there were either boring (yelping alternarock
from some guys named Tripmonkey), awful (a Creedence tribute act whose lead
vocalist sounded a lot like Jim Freaking Nabors, with a booming, basso-sucko
voice) or some combination of the two. There was also a smelly, poorly
dressed one-man-band named Porterhouse Bob who scared the life out of the two
ladies I was with.
There were also plenty of other tribute acts available: there was a Neil
Diamond tribute dude, wearing the '70's Neil sparkly shirt unbuttoned too far
(with what looked like glued-on chest hair and a bad rug); a woman who did
Linda Ronstadt tribute schtick (but who looked more like an anorexic Babs
Streisand); a Steely Dan covers band (interesting thought, but the lead
singer sounded like Donald Fagen might sound if someone was continuously
jabbing something sharp up his rear).
I also took some stuff home to listen to, and hoooooooooooooo boy! I
listened to a live CD from a "classic rock" band called The Answer, who
introduced a DOA cover of "Born to Run" by screaming "Here's a song from the
'80s!" I sat through a group called SoundBytes (clever!) who butchered
"Brown Sugar" so badly that I may never be able to listen to it again (and
for what they did to "Good Lovin'," they oughta be incarcerated).
But the worst of all would have to be The Beatless, another "classic rock
party band" (www.beatless.com, for you masochists). Imagine "Purple Haze,"
"Oye Como Va," What I Like About You" and "YMCA" performed by your grandpappy
and a bunch of his friends who have been deceased for 20 years. On second
thought, don't.
For those into the horribly horrible, go to their website and check out the
backing vocals on "My Girl" (ouchies!), the way the drummer totally loses it
in the middle of "Surfin' U.S.A." or the "Hey! We're in a Lounge in
Sheboygan!" massacreing of "All Shook Up."
Funniest moment of the day: when the lead singer from SoundBytes---who looked
like he had just completed his 20-to-life term at San Quentin---shuffled
shyly up to me, handed me a CD and asked, "Would you mind taking a listen to
our CD? Thank you so much." It was then I noticed that the guy's arms were
completely covered in tattoos, including two with what must have been his
nickname: Sugar Bear.
Music is My Life,
John B.
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